Coaching for LGBTQIA+

When I started my sex education journey at the age of 20, I joined a group called Cucci Los Angeles. This was a grassroots organization ran by a small group of queer and trans sex educators. 

The mission was simple... How do we make sex for queer and trans people PLEASURABLE?

Regardless of your gender identity, queer individuals have a unique form of sexual expression as there is no rule book for what sex looks like in most queer relationships. The playground of exploration is expansive and there is much to explore!

As a proud bisexual member of the LGBTIA+ community myself, I take great pride in supporting fellow queer individuals through concerns that create obstacles in their full authentic sexual expression. 

For as long as I can remember, I have always been sexually turned on by both men and women alike. When I was little, I would sneak my big brother's movie Show Girls into my room, put it in the VCR, and fast forward to all of the parts where there was female nudity. I would feel a sensation in my body that I felt so very ashamed of , so of course, I never told anyone. 

My brother came out to me as gay when I was 15 years old and that changed everything for me. I was very religious at the time and wanted to be a nun. I even remember telling him, "I don't support your lifestyle, but I love you." I know... gross! But like I said, this changed everything for me. I suddenly realized that there was a world where I could be attracted to women. 

I never acted upon my curiosities or desires besides the occasional threesome with another woman until I met... them. I was 25 years old at this point and I was at a dinner party with a few close friends from the LGBT center at my university. They walked in the room and I felt like the whole world stopped. It sounds so fucking cheesy, but it was true. I had never seen anyone so incredibly beautiful. I asked my friend for their number and soon after, we started dating. 

I always told myself that if I fell for someone that wasn't a cisgender male, I would not keep them a secret, I would tell everyone we were together and that would be my opportunity to come out as bi. Well, the opportunity came. I began with my mom. I was laying in bed and she came to talk with me for a bit. Through tears and fear, I told her... this person is not my friend... they're my partner. My mom looked at me with compassion in her eyes and said, "I know... I have been going to therapy to cope with this myself. I still love you." I guess suddenly coming around the family with a masculine presenting gender queer person gave it away! 

Then, it was my dad... it was in the car. I told him. He said OK. Very anti-climactic. He accepted them and he accepted me too, however, so for me that is all that matters.

This openness lead my parents to learn to openly accept my brother as well, for they had not been able to until that point. I feel very fortunate and lucky for the response I received from family and friends. Some tias and tios were judgmental... but that was expected. What matters the most is that I accept me. 

And I do. 

If you struggle with accepting yourself, please know that there are so many people in this world ready to love you like you deserve to be loved.